Women dating profil

Dating apps for homebody types?

2020.10.30 12:04 RadSanderson Dating apps for homebody types?

I'm a M looking for F if that matters.
I'm a severe homebody, even before the pandemic. I don't mind going out to restaurants, the movies, etc from time to time but I'm not one for travel, kayaking, hiking (90% of the profiles for women I've seen on Bumble) - Basically I don't get out much, and I don't really want to.
Are there any good dating apps where I can find such like minded people?
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2020.10.30 07:41 ok-bend-5150 I feel like I'm the last thin person in the world. I want to date a thin girl. Is there any solution? Or am I doomed like the last Dodo bird?

I went out today to buy a Halloween costume to wear at work tomorrow and I didn't see a single thin girl/woman at the entire party store. This has become normal to me. Everywhere I go everyone looks like they need to lose 20-30 lb at least just to reach a normal or decent weight.
I read a study recently saying 42% of American adults are now obese. 70% are overweight. Keep in mind: a 5'4" woman counts as "healthy" weight at 145 lb. That is nowhere near actually a healthy weight for a woman that height unless she's a powerlifter. So probably at most 10-15% of American adults are actually a healthy weight. Maybe 5% at most are thin.
I see thin women on Tinder with their bikini shots and IG profiles, but they are all probably matching to Chris Hemsworth white ripped supermodel guys. I swipe right on them but almost ironically because I know they won't match with me. They're usually the ones Tinder promotes with "Many others have swiped right on this profile!" Clearly they're trying to keep me addicted by showing me someone attractive even though they know I have no chance. I never match to them.
I'm in my 30s now and I can actually remember when I was a kid. The world didn't look like this. Stats seem to show it too. I looked at the trends and obesity rates actually doubled since I was a child.
I cannot be sexually attracted to someone who is overweight/obese.
Part of the problem I think is that men value female thinness, but women do not really care about men's physiques. I think a man's body only earns him points if he looks like Thor (steroids). The things that get more matches for men are genetic - height, race, face.
Things I've wondered:
Is anyone else struggling with this? Has anyone found any solutions?
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2020.10.30 07:17 ok-bend-5150 I feel like I'm the last thin person in the world. I want to date a thin girl. Any solutions?

I went out today to buy a Halloween costume to wear at work tomorrow and I didn't see a single thin girl/woman at the entire party store. This has become normal to me. Everywhere I go everyone looks like they need to lose 20-30 lb at least just to reach a normal or decent weight.
I read a study recently saying 42% of American adults are now obese. 70% are overweight. Keep in mind: a 5'4" woman counts as "healthy" weight at 145 lb. That is nowhere near actually a healthy weight for a woman that height unless she's a powerlifter. So probably at most 10-15% of American adults are actually a healthy weight. Maybe 5% are thin.
I see thin women on Tinder with their bikini shots and IG profiles, but they are all probably matching to Chris Hemsworth white ripped supermodel guys. I swipe right on them but almost ironically because I know they won't match with me. They're usually the ones Tinder promotes with "Many others have swiped right on this profile!" Clearly they're trying to keep me addicted by showing me someone attractive even though they know I have no chance. I never match to them.
I'm in my 30s now and I can actually remember when I was a kid. The world didn't look like this. Stats seem to show it too. I looked at the trends and obesity rates actually doubled since I was a child.
I find all this extra body fat gross. I cannot be sexually attracted to someone like that.
Part of the problem I think is that men value female thinness, but women do not really care about men's physiques much at all. I think a man's body only earns him points if he looks like Thor (steroids). The things that get more matches for men are genetic - height, race, face.
Things I've wondered:
Is anyone else struggling with this? Has anyone found any solutions?
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2020.10.30 06:42 PhrygianSounds It’s been a year since I went on this bumble date that totally destroyed my confidence.. how do I regain it

I had just transferred schools last year and moved to a new city. I hardly knew anyone, but was interested in getting involved in the dating scene, so I downloaded bumble.
I hadn’t dated anyone in like three years and didn’t have any luck meeting women in person so I thought bumble would help. After a few weeks, I’d talk to a few girls and then get ghosted. The usual. However there was this one girl who stuck out and seemed very interested. She’d have very detailed responses and seemed very engaged in our conversations. We talked for a few days until I got her number.
We talked for a bit and I eventually set a date up for us, but she was going to be out of town for two weeks so it had to wait until after that. During those two weeks we texted constantly. 24/7, I was almost worried I’d get to know her too well to the point that I wouldn’t know what to talk about on the date. We talked so much that it almost seemed like we were already dating, and I started to feel a way that I hadn’t in a very long time. Not since the last time I dated in high school.
It was starting to become evident that we both really liked each other. Towards the end we would sometimes even talk about the future, beyond our first date. From a glance it could seem like this is moving way too fast, but she and I did have a LOT in common. It was definitely no coincidence.
So I’m not nervous for this date at all. She’s been talking non stop about how bad she wants to meet me. We finally meet at my favorite coffee shop downtown and right off the bat I know something was off. We start talking, and she would barely make eye contact at all. She wouldn’t smile or even laugh at the inside jokes I would mention from our texts. We had talked about visiting these stores she wanted to go to after coffee, but she had to cut the date short due to “homework”. After about an hour and a half, she gave me a hug and left.
I was in shock.
It was as if we were complete strangers who had never talked before. It was the most bizzare experience I had ever gone through with dating. I have all these questions and thoughts going through my head. Was it something I said? It couldn’t have been because she was like that right from the start. And before anyone says this sounds like a catfish, I was extremely careful when making my profile. I only used recent photos from the same year and made sure to include photos of my whole face and physique. Bumble even has an option to list your height and I did.. 5’8”. She even asked for my height over text once and that’s what I told her. And if I’m being honest, she didn’t really look like her profile but I still thought she looked fine so it didn’t bother me.
She didn’t text at all for a few days afterwards until she eventually sent me a text saying:
“Hey sorry I haven’t reached out to you. I enjoyed the other night and would like to do it again sometime but is it okay if we do it just as friends?”
This destroyed my confidence. The friend zone. I’m still not sure exactly what was the big turnoff, but this whole thing has turned me into such a self-analytical person now. I’m always concerned about how I look, talk, walk etc. I haven’t gotten back on a dating app since then and haven’t really put myself back out there yet. I’m just scared it’ll happen again. I get rejection is such a normal thing that happens to everyone but I felt so led on.
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2020.10.30 05:32 WastePurchase Questions for 20-30F regarding dating - How should a 26M handle a thinning crown?

I'm in the unfortunate position where I started treatment against male pattern baldness a bit late, and so while I've managed to stop further loss, I'm still stuck with noticeable balding in the hairline and crown. I'm single since the beginning of the year, and this is one of the main things stopping me from getting back into the dating game, because I'm currently unhappy with my appearance. To address this, I plan on getting a hair transplant very soon to fix the hairline, but it is not recommended to transplant to the crown until you are older and you are sure that your hairloss is stabilized, so I am leaving that alone for now.
Here is how my crown looks when my hair is grown out: https://imgur.com/a/37ve96A
So here's my problem with regards to dating. In an average dating profile (with front facing photos), no woman would be aware of this thinning, nor would I want to put it on display anyway. A woman wouldn't have any reason to think that I'm balding, but after meeting up they would spot the thinning crown at some point. For a woman in her 20s, I feel like that's definitely going to be a turn off - I don't blame them. One thing I can do is use hair fibers, which would easily conceal the thinning: https://www.caboki.com/skin/frontend/pro/en/images/testimonials/6-320.jpg
The question then becomes, at what lengths do I go to hide this from a woman, at what point do I reveal this truth to her, and how might she react? It's worth noting that I'm not looking for anything specific (open to ONS, FWB, or relationship depending on the girl and how things go), so the way I go about this can differ based on that. With ONS I don't see a need to tell them. But focusing on the longer term arrangements such as FWB or relationship, I feel like I'd probably want to bring it up after meeting them a few times? I don't want to wait too long, but I don't want to tell them right away either. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I'm sure there would be some surprise. If the women gets cold feet after that, oh well, onto the next. But I think I have a greater chance at happiness compared to not doing anything about it, especially at this age.
TLDR: I haven't yet gotten back on dating apps, partially due to the thinning on my crown that has made me unhappy with my appearance. I can easily use a bit of hair fibers to mask the problem. If after a few dates I saw things going further, I would find a casual way to come clean without making a big deal about it. If she feels turned off/deceived/etc and doesn't want to continue seeing me, onto the next.
Thoughts? If I were dating you, how would you prefer I go about things, what do you think about the way I proposed above, and how would you personally react? Hope you can see things from my perspective. I'm sure there are lots of similar things that women do when going on dates with men. Thanks!
Only interested in female opinions BTW.
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2020.10.30 02:24 linguisticpsych Finding a unicorn is hard... DFW

Honestly, my husband and myself have been looking. Well, mainly I do the hunting (wife) but it’s been way harder than I expected. I can’t even manage to get a date yet, and we are both attractive and respectful people. I’ve been on #open, Feeld, and Tinder. I’ve found a few women that have wanted to at least entertain the idea... but it seems they’re more interested in a lot of small talk. The best luck I’ve had so far is from Tinder. My profile states clearly what I’m there for. I’ve matched with a lot of girls but can’t get past the “hello” phase, except with a few girls who seem curious but unsure about what they want. Which is a bit tough for me because I don’t want to be pushy or spend hours and hours texting, only to be ghosted or something.
Obviously I know this requires some “work” but damn, I guess these ladies are called “unicorns” for a reason 😂😂
Any advice for us?
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2020.10.30 00:42 peachy_sweater [Indie Nail Polish] Nail Polish Drama 2: Racism/Transphobia/Bad Customer Service Boogaloo

All statements made in this post are opinions and perceptions of the individual contributor.
BACKGROUND
The last time we gathered--like, what, a week ago?--the world of indie nail polish had been exposed for the racism, homophobia, and/or ableism of some owners of indie brand polish brands, henceforth known as "makers." The TL;DR of that post is basically that there were two brands exposed:
OKAY, WE'RE GETTING THERE
This event last week was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back, but in the background of all of this, there has always been discussion and discourse in the indie nail polish world for quite some time about problematic makers. Probably a dozen or so makers and swatchers have been "canceled" for problematic behavior in the six or so years I've been a part of the community personally. To name a few other notable incidents:
So, with all that history and context in mind, that brings us to...
THE THREAT OF LITIGATION / MAKE POLISH FUN AGAIN
So it turns out some of these canceled makers are getting real tired of their ex-customers voting with their wallet and spreading the word about their behavior and misdeeds. Today, there are three indie brands—all of which have been accused one way or another of being problematic—that have formed "Strike To Ignite," a group to fight the "cyber bullying" of their brands online. Their mission statement reads: “Strike2Ignite is dedicated to lawfully striking against global online cyber bullying including business defamation & interference such as blacklisting.”
Leading the charge is our Cheeto fangirl herself, Jennifer. It would personally not surprise me if this was 75% her idea, because she manages to find herself in trouble pretty consistently in the indie community. She has also been criticized for creating an eyeshadow that allegedly wasn’t actually eye-safe because it’s not meant to be used near mucous membranes, taping sparklers to her hands in a now-deleted YouTube video… the list goes on. At this point I legitimately believed she was starting controversies in a “all publicity is good publicity” sort of way. She might have started the group for that exact reason, lmao.
Second on the list is Bianca. She more or less outed herself for being transphobic towards trans women because she claims "lesbians don't do dick." She claims that she is upset by trans activists who say that TERF lesbians are nothing more than "vagina fetishists" and not real lesbians. I actually kind of-ish sympathize with her because it feels bad to shit on a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and think this maybe could be a fair feeling to have, but Bianca's only argument as to why she doesn't want to date trans women is that she "doesn't do dick." The issue with this of course is that some trans women have had bottom surgery, and also trans men don't have dicks, yet it would be very unlikely that Bianca would want to date a trans man. She is focusing solely on the genitals of the person and not the person as a whole. There are likely valid reasons to not want to date a trans woman, but Bianca's reason is pretty transparently transphobic because it literally only focuses on the genitals of the person, which isn’t what gender identity is about. Will I get sued for saying this? We'll just have to find out!
Lastly, we have Danette. What's probably the most problematic about her is that she made a polish collection called "It's A Conspiracy," celebrating a known racist, Jeffree Star, and his collaboration collection with another known racist, Shane Dawson. Her team argued that she was just a fan of the eyeshadow palette colors, but some are still offended that she would make a collection that is linked to two racists. As far as I know, though, most of the issues the community has with her is with her as a person. She's known to have been criticized for having bad customer service,, and for being somewhat short and rude with customers. For example, a customer was trying to organize a group buy, and her response is literally short, and rude..
So the news of this group forming has the community pretty shook and also full of memes. Nothing makes nail polish fun again like being sued, right? We have yet to see how many, if any, brands or swatchers will "join the cause." In the 3 days that this S2I has existed, they have amassed a whopping 14 followers, so that seems telling. In response, more than a fair few brands in the community have stated that they would never censor people from giving their opinions on a brand, would never join S2I, etc.. It will definitely be interesting to see what happens in the future, though. Personally, I’m just hoping I don’t have any identifiable information on this account, lmao. Anyway though, in the meantime, I’ll just leave you with Strike 2 Ignite’s latest message, because it's actually pretty funny.
edits for typos and fixing links
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2020.10.29 22:46 mscristalconnors Another reminder why COVID dating is not IDEAL..

Good afternoon ladies,
I'm taking a break from working, and I just wanted to say something real quick. I am in a Facebook group that I scroll through here and there...basically about therapy and healing yourself. To be honest, I have outgrown it, but I will always help women when possible. It's private and I prefer to keep myself anonymous so I wont say where but here are some things I have noticed while being on there:

Anyway, I was reading a post from a guy basically asking if it's okay to dump his girlfriend because she is not "normal" mentally. This poor woman lost her father as a teenager and obviously has not been able to cope with her loss. You would think her scrote would sit there and think of something...nope, he just want to upgrade to the next not "broken" pussy! Don't worry...I ever so eloquently let him have it and told him I was not gonna sit here like these dummies commenting to dump her. A HVM may not know how it feels to be in that spot but he will DO anything and everything to help. A man can still be sympathetic but no that's too hard and men don't do emotions unless it comes to theirs :'(((. He was dragging her too, stating how she questions her capability for marriage, kids and other problems.....yeah, she's the real problem chump.
Another mistake I noticed is the relationship moved too fast...six months and already living together. They're fucking and sucking all the time...are they spending time together doing different stuff? Distance is not a bad thing! I saw this LVM's BS and called him out on it. It's sickening to see how men are eager to dump someone because they can't take two seconds to use Google and approach the subject from a loving and concerned place.


So, please delete your online dating profiles.
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2020.10.29 21:29 LightOfPi My first 14 days

So its coming to 14 days since I started PMO for the first time and I thought I'd give an account of how the last 2 weeks have been for me. I've realised that everyone has a different journey and for some reason my last 2 weeks doesn't seem to fit with the majority of posts here.
History: So I've been fapping since around the age of 14 but have never really felt like it affected my life. I'd fap between 3-7 times a week and don't think I've ever fapped more twice in one day. I'm 26 now and I just felt like I need to stop fapping. I have terrible luck with women and I've noticed myself oversexualising every interaction I have with women and I've just got sick of it. With this in mind, I decided to carry on using dating apps to talk to women.
Day 1 - 5: So the first few days I kind of just gone on with it, I wasn't feeling anything and just assumed it was part of rebooting. I didn't really have an erection or anything during these days but as the days went on I began feeling concerned about whats going on. I was wondering if I had low testosterone or something due to starting NoFap but I wasn't too sure what to do about it. It was around the 5th day that I discovered the glossary of terms which mentioned 'Flatlining' and then it all clicked! I was flatlining straight out the gate! I haven't seen that many mentions of flatlining in the sub albeit I'd not really gone searching for posts.
Day 6 - 10: I finally had an erection after nearly a week of literally not feeling anything! I was just relieved that I still had a libido but it seemed that flatlining was just the cause of it. I started to get erections every morning after the first week and it's been extremely difficult not to act on these urges but I've managed.
Day 11 - 14: My libido seems to have flatlined again the last few days. On day 12, while browsing a dating app, a profile showed up on my feed. This was when I figured out that my trigger is porn. Since day 12 I've slowly come to the realisation that I may have PIED? I'm not exactly sure if this is correct but I'll monitor this and see how I do. I know now that as long as I stay away from porn, I will be able to reboot!
That's my update, I just feel like I've gone through things slightly differently to a lot of the other posts on this sub and thought I'd just leave this here to tell people that you may or may not have the same experiences as everyone else on your rebooting journey.
Stay strong!
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2020.10.29 21:25 LightOfPi My first 2 weeks

So its coming to 14 days since I started PMO for the first time and I thought I'd give an account of how the last 2 weeks have been for me. I've realised that everyone has a different journey and for some reason my last 2 weeks doesn't seem to fit with the majority of posts here.
History: So I've been fapping since around the age of 14 but have never really felt like it affected my life. I'd fap between 3-7 times a week and don't think I've ever fapped more twice in one day. I'm 26 now and I just felt like I need to stop fapping. I have terrible luck with women and I've noticed myself over-sexualising every interaction I have with women and I've just got sick of it. With this in mind, I decided to carry on using dating apps to talk to women as I didnt feel like this was a trigger for me. I wasn't exactly sure what my triggers were.
Day 1 - 5: So the first few days I kind of just gone on with it, I wasn't feeling particularly horny or anything and just assumed it was part of rebooting. I didn't really have an erection or anything during these days but as the days went on I began feeling concerned about whats going on. I was wondering if I had low testosterone or something due to starting NoFap but I wasn't too sure what to do about it. It was around the 5th day that I discovered the glossary of terms which mentioned 'Flatlining' and then it all clicked! I was flatlining straight out the gate! I haven't seen that many mentions of flatlining in the sub albeit I'd not really gone searching for posts.
Day 6 - 10: I finally had an erection after nearly a week of literally not feeling anything! I was just relieved that I still had a libido but it seemed that flatlining was just the cause of it. I started to get erections every morning after the first week and it's been extremely difficult not to act on these urges but I've managed.
Day 11 - 14: My libido seems to have flatlined again the last few days. On day 12, while browsing a dating app, a very NSFW profile showed up on my feed. This was when I figured out that my trigger is porn. Since day 12 I've slowly come to the realisation that I may have PIED? I'm not exactly sure if this is correct but I'll monitor this and see how I do. I know now that as long as I stay away from porn, I will be able to reboot!
That's my update, I just feel like I've gone through things slightly differently to a lot of the other posts on this sub and thought I'd just leave this here to tell people that you may or may not have the same experiences as everyone else on your rebooting journey.
Stay strong!
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2020.10.29 20:20 DeeplyDisturbed1 When she says "I'm ready to settle down"

I know this topic has been covered before, but a nuance emerged for me recently and I thought I would share.
When I got married, I remember being very happy (all the way up to the bitter end). I couldn't wait to have kids, build a home, and spend time together doing all the things we ever wanted to do. We both had bucket lists, and we both got after them.
at the time my perspective was NOT that my fun times were over, or that it was "time to settle down". For me, it was: Now begins the best part of my life. And honestly it was - until it wasn't.
When I see women talk about "settling down" in all these posts, it always comes across as if her best life is over. She now has to "get serious" and "work hard" and "have a family" and "SETTLE" and suffer. Marriage for her is akin to slavery; a contractual obligation to which she is bound for the foreseeable future so she can get what she wants.

Many women see marriage as a horrible price they must pay in order to have children who will care for her in her old age.

She has been told this from a young age. She has been told to have a back up plan - to keep her own name, to get a job and a career, and to keep a few "options" on the back burner. She also sees unhappy women all around her. Women who are suffering horribly: taking care of children, doing dishes a few times a week, worrying about things, shopping for food, and helping to maintain the household. These are not simply adult responsibilities, they are patriarchal infringements on her sovereignty and freedom - and she hates it.

More importantly, she hates YOU for making her do it.

So keep this in mind whenever a dating profile says "ready to settle down" or any sort of derivative, or if a woman utters a phrase anything like this, now you know what this implies. Her fun, good, awesome, free life is over - and the pain, and suffering, and work, and "SETTLING" must now begin.
With you.
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2020.10.29 20:00 DeadKashew No luck in online dating, am I ugly?

So I (22m) tried all of the dating apps on my friends' recommendation, they all had nice amount of matches (more than a 100) . I set up an account with my best looking pics, and even bought gold on tinder with a boost, got no 0 , as in 0 likes 0matches , wow I must be really ugly. Or it's like show us your fun side, except I don't have a fun side I stay at home most of the time, I work from home. I don't like going on trips i don't like to click pics during my workouts. Then I heard people say make a fun bio, and I am like no, absolutely not. I am not a fun loving person that's the whole point of my life, for me fun is working, for me fun is discipline, achieving things is fun , improving is fun. I am sorry for I don't like to make mid night pasta jokes, but I am not going to change who I am for a dating app. I want a date sure, but dating is not everything I have bigger things to achieve dating for me is a nice to have.
Because see if my logic is correct, even if I tried to be fun on bio, what will happen if I match? Because as soon as I will start talking I won't be fun and I will have wasted both of ours time. So when I see people recommending do this to your profile or do that to your profile I am like no, don't , they are not you and changing their profile based on your recommendations will only change the matches and not the person itself. I would say I am the problem though, since a lot of people seem to like online dating so I guess I will learn to live with lonliness ah sad me.
Now you'll say meet women in real life but where. I live alone, workout alone, I have no place where I can meet women, and cold approaching strangers is considered offensive and sometime harassment in my country. But my parents can arrange a marriage for me, so.... Yay me????
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2020.10.29 18:43 kyrie_eleison989 OLD Woes

47F. Greetings everyone. I’m fairly new to reddit so please forgive any unwitting breaches of protocol. In the name of “recycle your pain to help others” I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your online dating (OLD) woes. I spent several years adamantly not participating in OLD because of the plethora of negatives that are constantly talked about in this thread. All true. My past experience was: I was lied to by a married man in a high position (a religious leader, in fact) who I met in OLD, who was removing his wedding ring when he saw me, and lying about his identity, and I found out only after a significant emotional/time investment. After that I swore off OLD forever. And I stuck to that as long as possible!
Sadly, what I have found is that meeting people in real life (IRL) is basically as bleak as OLD. People don’t talk in real life anymore. Even before covid, people didn’t talk anymore. In the past – before facebook took over in 2010 - I used to meet people in real life. Out in public somewhere. The grocery store, the airport, etc. I would meet strangers and we became friends. Now everybody just stares at their phones or isn’t interested in striking up a conversation. Note that my belief is that a lady does not initiate with a man. Therefore my personal etiquette requires me to wait for a man to initiate. The problem is that many men don’t initiate anymore.
This is sad.
I believe in courting, chivalry, having a real relationship - just one, not multi-dating multiple people at the same time. You focus on one person, give them your full attention and heart. I believe in being sincere. I don’t believe in hookups. This makes me something of a leper in our modern society, but I’m at peace in my conscience and that’s important to me.
In spite of the fact that people don’t talk anymore, I recently I got to the point of hoping beyond hope that I might actually meet somebody at the grocery store. I would fix my hair, put on makeup, and wear my nicest attire…to the grocery store. I was wishing that someone would see me and like my style…that he would say “I love your outfit” and then I would say “Thank you so much” and then he would say “Where did you get those black velvet armwarmers?” and it would progress from there. But this never happened. I even started wearing my favorite costume-jewelry ring on my right-hand ring finger instead of my left-hand ring finger…even though this ring doesn’t look remotely like a wedding ring. Still. Maybe from a distance it would be hard to tell. But in spite of my efforts, nothing happened. Nobody talked to me. Nobody seemed to care. Now when I go to the grocery store, I don’t bother to dress up anymore.
Meetups were a wasteland for me. I’m not into hiking, wine-tasting, bars, or atheist groups. Book clubs might be something but it was mostly women or stuck-up PhDs/professors, all married. Meetup pretty much pointless and I’m no longer involved.
Dating coworkers is out of the question and all of my coworkers are married anyway.
Bizarrely, I even had what felt like a giddy high-school girl crush on my doctor! But alas, he is married too!
Such a nightmare for us singles!
So with all the reluctance of one who is slowly walking toward the guillotine, I realized I had no choice but to try OLD again if I wanted to at least find a few bona fide SINGLE people, like me. I was deeply depressed about this. Keeping in mind that because I am childfree – I don’t have kids and don’t want kids (mine or anyone else’s) and I also believe in abstinence until marriage…the chances of me finding someone are about 0.0001%. I did put both of these things (childfree and abstinence until marriage) on my profile as I am one of the few HONEST people in OLD – I do not lie about my age, etc, my pictures are all from this year, and I put any potential dealbreakers right up front on my profile so nobody wastes time.
So far, OLD is mostly crickets. I have avoided the major dating sites (Hinge, Tinder, Bumble) and have stuck to the smaller, more niche sites. Maybe that’s one reason why it’s been so quiet. I get a handful of pointless, low-effort likes/smiles, which I ignore. When I do get an actual message, my heart starts beating faster and I feel hopeful…maybe this is the one…or at least someone I can take seriously…even just having one real conversation with intelligent life would by wonderful! But then I open the message and it’s some low-effort copy-and-paste generic text that can easily be sent to multitudes of women in a short amount of time, like:
Hi Great day How are you? How r u? I’m looking for my solemate You are beautyfull
All ignored by me.
Those who I have been able to converse with somewhat have been an interesting and disappointing mix:
The educated professional who grew up in Iran and was never able to marry the girl he loved because he was forced into an arranged marriage with his cousin. Who he did not like. After twenty years in a miserable marriage he got divorced (allegedly)…and on and on with his sad story. After a one-hour online chat with this seemingly sincere but sad person, he gave me the whole player-line of “I was going to delete my OLD profile this morning, but then I met you….do you believe in destiny?”
Nope.
Next!
The next candidate was deeply depressed (suicidal?) because of his past. His wife had recently left him after 27 years. Now over fifty, he was abandoned and stuck in a career he hated. Deeply depressed. I felt that I became a short-term therapist for him, which was NOT what I was looking for! I wanted very much to tell him “I really don’t think you should be on a dating site right now, you’re not in any mental state for dating!”
Next!
The next candidate had recently gotten his PhD in nanomedicine. He was from India, living in the US. He was even handsome! Sent me a Real Message, not a copy-and-paste generic message (10 points!) but it didn’t show that he actually cared about anything I had written in my profile (-5 points). He asked to talk. We talked on the phone for about thirty minutes. He had such a gentle, sweet voice. Heavy accent. Very polite, lots of etiquette and manners. Hard to find these days when many people are just rude. “You are so beautiful, you look elegant” he said. When was the last time someone told me I look elegant? Never?? He didn’t ask me any questions about my thoughts or anything I had written in my profile. In his gentle manner, he asked me to fly to his city to see him. Hookup request. I said No, I don’t do that. He then offered to give me GOLD if I came to visit him! He said his parents in India had given him GOLD when he got his doctorate and he would give it to me! “I can arrange accommodations for you here, we can get to know each other…” No. I don’t do hookups. Especially with sex addicts!
With growing disappointment in my heart, I soldiered on.
Next!
An oil and gas attorney initiated a chat. He told me about his work, said oil and gas had been devastated by covid and he had had to slum it this year with commercial real estate. Asked me a few questions about my life. Seemed sincere. Told me about his upbringing. Started to casually mention “We should talk about these things over dinner and a glass of wine…” A real DATE? I mean at least ONE conversation with intelligent life out there?? I began to get excited. I told him I don’t drink alcohol but I don’t mind if he does. “That’s cool…” We chatted some more. He asked about my favorite types of food, favorite restaurants. I excitedly told him my favorites. I felt I was looking forward to meeting him…even if he did spend the whole time talking about himself, as 99% of men do. At this point I would be happy to listen to anything! I awaited that next message, the one that would say “Would you like to meet for dinner at ____?” The next message came…long rambling…he continued talking about his favorite types of food…long list of his favorite restaurants and why…no invitation to meet, but at the end he asked “Can I get your phone number?”
Made me feel both disappointed and excited at the same time! It was not a no but it wasn’t a yes either…it was a brilliant bait and switch! Guess that’s attorneys for you!
And when I looked back on it, what a jerk.
Being starved for relationship, I gave him my number and waited…nothing. As I continued waiting for what came next, I tried to figure out why he did that. Either he’s playing a cruel game with women online to kill his boredom…and I’m one of many he has done this to. Or he wants to do a background check based on my phone number (I don’t have a criminal record). Maybe he too has been burned by someone in OLD and now I, the honest person, am guilty until proven innocent. Or maybe he is messaging lots of women with an intent to meet but I am not a priority. I am not #2, #3, or #5. I am #10. Maybe a combination of the above. I waited 24 hours, no phone call, no chat message, nothing. He didn’t unmatch me, just no contact. Regardless, more than 24 hours with no response is a GHOST in my book. Cell phones have made 24/7 communicating effortless and nobody has an excuse! Barring a bona fide emergency, if 24 hours passes and you have no response, you are NOT a priority in their life. With no answers, I unmatched HIM and moved on!
I am not going to be the last priority in anybody’s life!
Next!
If anything, I have learned to move on QUICKLY and to be RUTHLESS with getting rid of timewasters and those for whom you are not a priority.
I currently have one potential candidate still in the running but as we know, there are no guarantees.
So in my recent foray back into OLD, it has quickly been confirmed once again why the few genuine people in OLD are quickly run off. Not only the heartless games but also the sheer laziness. It was three weeks into OLD before I got a Real Message from someone who actually showed that they read my profile and asked an intelligent question about something I said. And when I responded….nothing back.
I have found that since I have gone back to online dating, my depression and cynicism have increased. I have lost even more faith in humanity than I already had and that’s saying something coming from a nihilist. To mitigate this, I have closed all OLD profiles except for one (I used to be on several). On that remaining one, I have disabled all notifications (since I mostly get the pointless lazy likes/smiles anyway) and have decided I will only check for messages once a week. This is to spare myself from the constant anxiety/depression of watching my email to see if anybody has messaged me, only to find it’s usually a junk message. Basically, still in OLD but taking it with a Matterhorn-sized grain of salt.
Thank you for reading, I hope this has helped someone out there.
Note: I don’t necessarily read comments on my posts so if you have something positive to say, please DM me. Thank you!
submitted by kyrie_eleison989 to datingoverforty [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 18:35 Jayy-B_van_V Am I just salty?

Hey there, my fellow gays :) So when I use Grindr, I very often now see profiles of women. Like not trans or anything, just genuinely hetero (or bi or whatever) women, trying to hook up. I am honestly pissed off that gay apps/websites are used by needy women when it's supposed to be used by needy gay men. Am I overreacting? I mean of course this is not prohibited or anything and I don't report them, as we are all inclusive. Though some of them are pretty bitchy towards me when I simply ask them what they are looking for on a gay man dating website... I don't know, I feel like a sexist saying this but it is making me a little bit worried that we just can't have something nice for us. I'm sorry, I really don't wanna sound sexist or like an ass hole. What are you thinking about this?
submitted by Jayy-B_van_V to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 18:20 otisscott25 The 10 Cornerstone Principles Of Marketing

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Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly--this get you noticed, about the will help others get yourself a more varied and up-to-date idea products constitutes sluggish it is . you.

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submitted by otisscott25 to u/otisscott25 [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 18:19 GreatLakeAvenger77 Meeting mew people during COVID

Is everyone in dating apps? I honestly hate them. I make bad profiles. And never get likes and adds. I don’t think I’m awful but I’m bad at this thing. I don’t want a steady person or anything but I’d like to meet some women and start conversations.
What’s your thing?
submitted by GreatLakeAvenger77 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 15:50 PangeaGamer Catfished By A Nazi

Guess who accidentally went on a date with a nazi 👆🏼😰 TW: uhm.... everything you can think of!
I showed up for a date with this guy named Spencer. He sits down and says “my name is actually Richard I just don’t want the internet having my name” (🚩). Weird way to start a date but whatever I needed a drink. We get through some small talk and he quickly shows his true colors.
-so like... what’s your ethnicity? -uhm what?? -well you have light skin but you have hazel eyes and brown curly hair so I’m just asking -Irish/Scottish, Dutch and Iberian -no like... do you have any dark roots? Cuz if it’s like less than 5% I’d still put a baby in you. You’d be cute all barefoot and pregnant! -😳 (I notice he is white, blonde, has blue eyes) -he notices my subtle rainbow tattoo. “Uh oh are you a f***ing dyke? Yeah well I bet I could turn you” /laughs arrogantly “yeah dykes are a real problem. It’s just not natural. Like piercings and tattoos” /looks me up and down. “you’d be prettier if you didn’t have those” -laughs at the audacity “so no tattoo for you huh? If it wasn’t amoral to put ink on your temple and you could have ANY tattoo where would you put your swastika?” -nah it’s not like that. I’m an eco-fascist -a what now? -you know like, climate change is a really big problem and I’m just saying we should be nuking third world countries so we have less people causing problems -uhm you know it’s developed countries that are doing more harm and... and that’s genocide? -yeah but like Darwin says “survival of the fittest” -looks around for hidden cameras expecting this to be a prank. -you seem like a nice gal. A little misguided but you’re really cute for a dyke. If you weren’t such a nice girl I’d try to f### you behind that dumpster. I’ll be back. I gotta piss
The bartender comes over and checks on me and offers to be my boyfriend or ride home or escort to my car and I said “I’m ok rn but please watch, I’m pretty sure this guy is a nazi 👀 “
I’m missing a few insults but those were the key points. I had so much to say but I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and get murdered so I was quieter than usual to comments like that. Thankful for the bartender who checked on me when he saw how uncomfortable I was. I reported him on the dating app but who knows if they’ll take it seriously.
Stay safe!! Maybe add “no nazis” to your dating profile because I’m not sure they even like women. I think they just need them to make more men 🤷🏻‍♀️
submitted by PangeaGamer to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 14:57 Kkarazeye Creepy non-fiction short stories

Cecelia
“Records indicate the Train froze in the early 1900s,” a tour guide near the woman shouted above the train noise to their tour group. The train was located several yards from the station near the edge of town. It had twelve cars and was lacquered with black paint that reflected the early afternoon sun. Polished steel bars wrapped around the front of the conductor’s car, ready to plow through water or snow. The beige upholstered seats where barely visible through the narrow pane windows. The sound of motion was almost deafening. The shrill note of the whistle was audible over the chug caused by the turning wheels. Smoke billowed and puffed from the train’s engine compartment, the pure white plume staining the endless blue sky.
The woman stared in awe at the train, walking around, behind, and in front trying to understand what she was seeing. As others before, she wondered how and why it wasn’t moving forward.
A pair of middle-schoolers were goofing off in front of the conductor’s car. One laid right in front of the metal grate while the other snapped photos of their mock fearful expression. The woman indulged as well, taking a selfie in front of the red engraved letters of a long-forgotten train company.
The woman found a little coffee shop near the train to escape the heat and rest her feet. The shrill whistle chiming again on the hour. She sipped her iced latte, lucky to find a table that overlooked the courtyard and train. Still townsfolk dressed in period costume greeted tourists who passed, some handing out flyers or beckoning interested parties through dark storefronts.
Was anyone on the train when it just stopped, the woman wondered. Though perhaps stopped wasn’t the right word. Nor was frozen. She savored the coffee and watched life outside. People bustled about, fitting with the Train. Ever moving but going nowhere.
The thought sobered the woman. Determined not to let it get to her, she finished her drink and ventured once more into the heat.
— — — — — — — — — — — -
The woman closed the trunk of her dusty car with suitcase in hand. She was greeted by a young man’s warm smile. He quickly took her bag into the quaint two-story house.
“Welcome,” he paused to hold the door open for her. “My mother will check you in.” He deposited her bag near the reception desk before heading back outside.
“Afternoon,” the innkeeper greeted her. “Here to check in?”
“Yeah.” The woman offered her driver’s license and credit card.
“I have you here for two nights.” The innkeeper typed at her laptop before turning around to pull an old fashion key from a row of hooks. “There is a bottle of water and some ear plugs in the room.”
“How late does the train whistle blow?” the woman asked, a bit surprised that ear plugs might be necessary.
“On the hour every hour from dawn till a little after dusk. Living here, you get used to it.” The Innkeeper laughed. “If you need directions just let me know, I have a map with the best destinations.” The woman gestured to a cartoon map laying atop the register desk.
“I was thinking of visiting a museum on the town’s founding.”
The innkeeper’s smile slipped. “Of course.” She pulled the map in front of her and grabbed a sharpie. With a few quick strokes the innkeeper drew directions and handed the map to the women.
“Thanks.”
“Excuse me,” an elderly woman interrupted. Her husband struggled to carry their luggage behind her. “We would like to check in.”
“Of course.”
With an inaudible sigh, the woman picked up her luggage. She nodded goodbye. The worn carpeted stairs creaked under her weight. Her room was on the top floor, to the left at the very end of the hallway. It took a few minutes to fiddle with the lock. The woman paused after the door was opened. Delight lit her grey eyes. Beyond was pure paradise.
Broad ocher archways framed the faux European décor with a king-size bed nestled against one wall. A worn leather chair faced a window that looked out over the busy streets below and the pillar of smoke in the distance. The woman tossed her luggage on the bedspread. She breathed the dry spiced air deeply, savoring the exotic taste that curled like cigar smoke on her tongue. Perhaps here she could find peace.
She left her luggage unpacked, grabbing the bottle of water to soothe her throat. She sat in the leather chair; interest piqued by movement in the street below. The orange rays of sunlight painted the white stucco buildings darker colors of red and gold. Locals created dark shadows as they prowled the streets. The woman broke her reverie as the last shrill note of daylight began and faded. Her stomach growled.
She glanced at the message left on the desk, noting her dinner would be served at eight. She unzipped her luggage, pushing down the worry that she would never get it closed again and convincing herself that she did need three pairs of shoes for two days. She pulled out her toiletries bag and headed to the monochrome bathroom.
The shower was lukewarm, which she didn’t mind given the heat outside. She scrubbed away the dust and grime of travel. Clean and refreshed, the woman rubbed herself dry with a towel and blow dried her shoulder length bob into a loose semblance of style.
She shimmied into the one dress she had brought, a loose cotton number that hugged her average sized hips and ended just shy of her knees. It was the one her husband always complemented her on. She applied touch of concealer, a few swipes of mascara, and dash of rouge and lipstick. Lastly, she slipped on the strappy kitten heels that always made her feel sexy. She gave herself a once over in the mirror before leaving her room for dinner.
The innkeeper’s son greeted her at the entrance to the dining room and showed her to a small table. She ordered a glass of primitivo before studying the room. The dining room matched the warm hues of the bedroom upstairs. Heavy golden frames were placed judiciously, the strange cool toned paintings of cloth like dolls with singular eyes and various geometric shapes were pleasing from afar.
“The decor here is beautiful.” She started up a conversation as the waiter returned with her wine. “I particularly like the paintings.” The young man gave her a thin smile before assuring her that dinner would be served soon.
The woman sipped, savoring the flavor as she shifted her attention to the other guests. They were the eclectic mix she expected to stay at a bed and breakfast in a town like this. The elderly couple from before were arguing in the corner, a young couple clearly on a “blow out” date sat near double doors that led to a garden, and a family with high school aged children who looked unimpressed sat near a dead fireplace. A young couple with a small child arrived late and sat at the table next to the woman. She tore her gaze away from them as her food arrived.
The aroma of the marinated chicken and mixed vegetables made her mouth water. The woman relished every bite as conversations traveled around her. The soft pleasure of alcohol and good food relaxed her as the waiter took her empty plate away. He returned with a cake topped by candied bananas.
The innkeeper checked on her guests, glowing from complements or smiling with strained politeness at critiques. “It was divine,” the woman told the innkeeper when it was her turn to converse. She struggled to come up with something else to say.
“I am glad you enjoyed it.” The innkeeper was back to beaming. “My husband went to culinary school in Paris, you know. You can only get this quality of food here in town.”
The woman smiled indulgently. The innkeeper moved to the family beside her. The woman excused herself, noting the giggling young couple were constantly touching now. The woman sighed wistfully as she made her way back to her room and bed.
— — — — — — — — — — — -
The blast of air-conditioning was a relief when the woman walked into the museum the next day.
“Hi!” A high school girl greeted her before turning her attention to a middle-aged man purchasing old fashioned whistles and chewing gum. A few people meandered around the gift shop waiting for the tour to start.
The woman got in line. “One ticket please,” she said when she reached the cash register.
“That will be fifteen dollars.” The high-schooler swiped the woman’s credit card. “The tour will start in five minutes. Enjoy.” She handed back the card and receipt.
The woman perused the gift shop. Kitsch mugs, key chains, insets wrapped in amber, and other children’s toys crowded most of the aisles. T-shirts with the town’s name printed in bubbly letters with arches and the smokestack were stapled to the back wall above shelves overstuffed with shirts and sweatshirts. The whistle called the hour.
Patrons, some laughing and some looking bored, exited a door at the back of the gift shop. The woman quickly walked to the front to avoid the small crowd. The high-schooler waved her over for the next group.
“I am supposed to give you a spiel about the town and stuff, but whatever, so I am just going to let you in.” The high-schooler said. “Just don’t tell my boss.” The woman and other patrons laughed awkwardly.
The group entered the first darkened room. An audio recording of crickets, frogs, and a poorly played fiddle started as recess lighting flickered to life. The woman approached the scenes staged before her. The town’s founding caught her attention — a series of life size wax men lifting papier-mâché logs to building houses on the plaster ground. Their frozen features reflected hope and adventure to her.
She moved through the next exhibits of the town’s development. Her interest piqued again as she entered the next room. The lights were dimmer, reflecting dully off mining equipment. The audio track shifted to ringing metal against rock and the grunt of male voices. More wax figures were posed along the walls with pickaxes raised. The woman examined the outdated tools, marveling at the ingenuity of man. The rusted steam-engine tractor was rather cute. Its tiny size reminded her of children’s cartoons.
In the next room the background music changed to static riddled oldies. Paintings and statues created by townsfolk lined the designated path. A mural of the town court house and clock tower covered the far wall. A variety of wax figures dressed in poodle skirts and fedoras were staged in front of the mural. The woman examined the sculpture set in the middle of the mannequins. Geometric figures in blue, red, and orange were welded together to form a human body. A white oval formed the face with swirls shaped like an eye painted delicately across the forehead.
The woman glance down at the plaque that read The Arrival of the Seer.
She continued on.
The next room held mobiles of the town and surrounding area. A ramp meandered through the glass encased displays. It was cooler in this section, causing hair on the woman’s arm to stand straight up. She quickly walked through the last part of the museum, exiting through the same back door in the gift shop. She took a cursory look through the wares once again before waving goodbye to the high schooler.
The heat was a temporarily welcomed relief from air conditioning. The woman strolled down the dusty street. She stopped with other tourists to look at the statues littered throughout the roads. Her favorite was a woman lying atop a long rectangular slab of concrete. A flowing stone blanket covered only half her body, giving a hint of her shapely legs. The statue seemed unconcerned that her breasts were uncovered, as if she leaned back to welcome a lover.
The whistle rang the noon hour.
The door chimed as the woman entered a bar and grill for lunch. The restaurant was located on the town’s central square, providing a view of the founder’s sculpture. The woman took a seat at the bar and considered the menu. She ordered a light beer and chicken sandwich, which seemed lower on the calorie count and loosely fit into her diet. She made small talk with the bartender until the door chimed again.
A man in his mid to late thirties entered. He had light colored eyes accented by dark hair with a touch of a five o’clock shadow. Just her type. The woman subtly watched him as he took the seat next to her despite the number of open seats at the high-top.
“Afternoon,” the man greeted her and the bartender. He ordered his own darker beer and the special.
“Hi,” the woman smiled, flitting her eyes up and away from him. He overtly took in her appearance. Suddenly she was self-conscious of her stripped grey and white t-shirt, skinny jeans, and sneakers.
“Just visiting?” The man asked her.
“Is it that obvious?” the woman hoped her laugh came across as flirtatious.
The man gave her a lopsided grin. “I suppose so, in a town this size.” He took a sip of his beer that had just arrived and began to turn his attention to the sports game on TV.
“What do you do?” She tried to take a feminine bite of her sandwich as his attention shifted back to her.
“I manage a few shops around town.”
“Oh.” The woman deflated a bit at his evasive answer. Where was she supposed to go with that?
“How are you liking the town?”
“It’s quite lovely.” She latched onto new topic. “I just came from the Founder Museum. Though I have to say the art of the Town Hall was a little creepy.”
The man stilled. “Is that so?” His food arrived.
The woman dropped the conversation. It would be rude to interrupt his meal. She chewed her own food slowly, keenly aware of every move the man next to her made.
With surprising speed, he finished eating and slapped cash on the table. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.” He addressed her again.
“Thank you,” the woman smiled brightly before letting her lips tilt downward when his back turned. She really needed more practice flirting.
She found a ghost tour while shopping for souvenirs and purchased a ticket for five o’clock. Dinner at the bed and breakfast was set for eight thirty, so she had plenty of time. She arrived at the designated meeting place only a little early. An elderly woman sweating beneath her period clothing smiled in greeting. The woman was glad the sun was setting and temperature cooling. She felt sorry for the guide.
The elderly woman waved an old lantern, gathering everyone together. The group was a mix of folk: some who obviously believed in the paranormal, a number of skeptics, and curious people like the woman.
“Welcome all,” the elderly woman began, turning on her lantern. The battery-operated bulb flickered to life. “Tonight, we will venture through the haunted history of our town.” The woman started walking them away from the train. “We will cover about two miles during our journey, starting with old Belford’s house.” She stopped in front of a standard stucco building with a well-manicured garden littered with small statues. The old woman spun tales as they walked, creating a spooky atmosphere that sometimes broke when other tourists walked by laughing or shouting in the darkening twilight.
After about an hour they arrived back at the train. The lights in each of the cars flickered on at the group watched. “For the finale of tonight’s journey, we come to the Train. Some say the Train leads lost soul to heaven, and other say it captures those to bring to hell.” The train whistle shrilled its last note, causing everyone to jump and laugh. “Whichever is true, it is a proven fact that if you take a picture in the dead of night you will see the shadows of the passengers long since departed.” This earned the appropriate oohs and awes from the audience. “Feel free to walk around the Train now, and remember, beware the shadows.”
The woman chuckled to herself, thoroughly enjoining the overdone theatrics. She walked towards the train, looking up at the illuminated windows curiously. Something darted at the edge of her vision. Startled she turned and caught the profile of a man’s face in the window.
Her heart stuttered for a moment. A smaller shadow jumped up and down, its arms outstretched to be lifted into the first shadow’s arms.
The woman staggered back.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” the elderly guide’s touch ripped the woman’s eyes away from the window.
“I… I saw shadows…” The woman turned back to the train and pointed. The window was empty.
The guide stared at her. The older woman turned away, calling everyone to gather together and ending the tour.
Unnerved the woman rushed back to her hotel, only relaxing at dinner surrounded by people.
— — — — — — — — — — — -
The woman woke later than she intended, a bit surprised that she had managed to sleep through the train whistle. She quickly dressed, hoping she hadn’t missed breakfast.
The innkeeper was arguing with her husband as the woman descended the stairs. Both stopped speaking when they saw her.
“Good morning,” the woman offered. The innkeeper gave her a forced smile.
“Good morning. We will have your breakfast right out to you.”
“Thank you.” The woman took a seat in the dining room.
The woman savored her waffles, grilled pear, and ice cream breakfast. She almost regretted checking out today for the food alone. Unlike the days before, the innkeeper never dropped by to ask how the meal was.
The woman checked out of the bed and breakfast. She had a few hours before she needed to drive home, deciding to walk the increasingly crowded streets. The townsfolk seemed agitated, gathering in small packs to whisper excitedly amongst themselves. The woman skirted near one of the groups, her curiosity getting the better of her.
“This can’t be happening,” a young man said. “There has to be a reason.”
“Don’t worry.” An older woman, who resembled the tour guide from the night before, said. It was hard to tell without the costume. “The Seer will provide for us and everything will be alright.”
The woman was still puzzling over the conversation as she found the town hall. She had dreamt about that strange statue depicted in the museum and decided she should see the real sculpture. She stopped in front of the building and stared.
The stone effigy peered down at her. She wiped suddenly sweaty hands on her jeans and shifted on the balls of her feet. Maybe she should have gotten bottle of water before heading out. She felt a little light headed. She took a step back to stay in the light. The clock tower attached to the building chimed ten o’clock. It took a moment for the woman to realize the train’s whistle had not sounded.
“Hey!” The handsome man she met at the bar waved to her as he approached. A charming smile formed on his lips. “Still enjoying your trip?”
The woman focused on him, the strange tingling in her stomach went away.
“Yes.” She was a bit surprised to see genuine interest in his eyes. “How are you doing?”
“Better now that I found you.” His response took her breathe away. She flushed. “Um…” he fidgeted. “Would you like to get some coffee together? I know a good place by the Train.”
“Of course.” The woman seized the moment. The man led her back to the train while they chatted amicably about nothing in particular.
The strange feeling came over her again as she noticed townsfolk gathered near the train.
“What is going on?”
The man’s expression tightened. “The whistle stopped. But don’t worry, we know how to fix it.”
“Oh, that is good.” The woman continued to follow him, trying to push aside the strange sensation in her stomach.
Her steps started to slow as they moved closer to the crowd of people. In the middle of them stood a man or woman dressed like the one-eyed statue in front of town hall. The masked head turned towards her and chills ran down her spine as the painted eye seemed to move. The figure lifted their arm and pointed straight at her.
“Where did you say we were going?” The woman asked the handsome man. He turned toward her with a look of remorse.
“I’m sorry, but we need this.”
The crowd surged forward, hands reaching for the woman.
“Hey! Help!” the woman shouted. She fought as more hands wrapped around her arms, waist, legs, pulling her to the train. Cold faces flashed before her eyes as she clawed and squirmed. The woman screamed louder, reaching for tourists who had gathered around the scene, smart phones out and focused on the Train. The woman hit the ground before the masked figure.
“You have experienced loss.” The masked figure intoned; their dead voice devoid of any characteristics.
The woman’s breath hitched.
“The Train calls for you. Through you, we survive.”
“No.” The woman shook her head.
“Bring her.” The Seer walked to the train; arms raise in supplication.
“No!” the woman shouted as hands shoved her forward. Shadows gathered in the train to watch. One shadow solidified at the end of the seventh car. The woman continued to struggle as she was dragged to the train. A long tendril of darkness reached out, begging for the woman. She thrashed frantically to avoid whatever fate was before her as the locals lifted her towards the figure. The shadow wrapped around her wrist. She screamed.
— — — — — — — -
“No!” Cecelia jerked, frantically glancing around as terror spiked adrenaline surged through her body.
“Are you all right?” She blinked, taking in her husband staring worriedly at her. Their eight-year-old son was asleep on his lap.
For a moment everything felt out of place.
“Your order.” The Train stewardess handed Cecelia her drink, banishing the sense.
“Thank you.” Cecelia turned her attention back to her husband. “Yeah, I’m fine.” The worry vanished from his features as she smiled at him. Cecelia looked out the train window, watching the landscape go by.

https://medium.com/@julianathomasjones/cecelia-36b07f9bfb2a
submitted by Kkarazeye to stories [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 13:08 DiamondAnth Gentlemen.... your profile pics matter!

So I’m very new to dating after a looooonnngggg relationship and am dipping my toe into old.... recently with FB dating going live here in the UK I’ve been flicking through and omg some of the profile pics are awful.... I’m sure this topic has come up before but....
I get that you want to show your personality and who you are... but pulling funny faces, being blurry , shots with your head cut off, ina group of friends that you can’t tell who is who, cuddling other women (?your daughters? Ex’s?)
Oh for the good old days when you met someone irl and it all went from there!!!!!!
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2020.10.29 12:32 StrangerintheAlps31 A note on women's online dating profiles...

I hope this doesn't come across as a rant, it's actually more of an observation. So here goes:
I've (37M) recently divorced and have been online dating for the past few months. One of the things I consistently see in women's profiles are disqualifiers. The most common of which is height. Now I'm 5' 10" so I'm a bit above average for the American guy, but I would say that about 1/3 profiles I come across have some sort of disqualifier. For example, I just saw a profile that said "I'm 5'11" so if you're shorter than that, move on." Here's the deal though, your bio (though I know people say that nobody reads them) gives potential matches an insight into what your values are. What you're saying when you put these types of disqualifiers in your profile is that you value physical appearance over values. If a guy had a requirement in his profile that he only dates women 140 pounds and below (and you were like 141 pounds), would you really want to match with that person? Even if you were like 138 pounds, would you want to date a guy, knowing that the minute you go above 140, he was likely to leave you, would you take that chance? You might be thinking "but weight is variable so it's not the same" which I'll give to you. How about bra size? Would you be comfortable matching with a man who says something like "If you're not at least a C cup, move on!"? Even if you were a C cup or above?
Now, before you rip this to shreds, know that I recognize that it's perfectly acceptable to have standards. Everyone has different physical qualities that they look for in a match. I probably wouldn't date a morbidly obese woman or a person who is under 4' tall. But when you state those qualifiers (especially for minor things eg. "if you don't have tattoos, swipe left") in your profile, you're conveying the message that you're putting physical attributes above values in dating. I reflected on the fact that physical beauty is temporary and everyone will shrink, get wrinkles, get chubbier etc. over time. When that happens, the inner beauty and values are all that matters.
Do yourself a favor ladies, drop the disqualifiers in the profile. That doesn't mean not having standards, but it does mean having an open mind. If you're more worried about being taller than your match in heels than his character and values, you're gonna have a bad time dating. And while I don't have access to viewing men's profiles, if this is something you have in your profile, stop it.
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2020.10.29 11:39 strugglebusoperator I (26f) made a mistake and even after therapy I can’t cope after realizing my ex (28m) never cared at all.

I met someone through friends over a year ago and things were going well. Let’s call him Michael, It was all the things you’d hope a relationship could be, he was kind, thoughtful, funny, and intelligent. A real people person, the kind of guy who flirts with grandmothers in the grocery line and helps them carry their groceries to their car just to be nice.
Im not from the country I’m currently living in, and was not looking for a relationship. He is from the country and speaks my language and of course his own. My job was in the beverage sales industry and I was constantly meeting cool people and working long hours and getting home drunk at 3am. I’m having such a great time living and working in my city, and I always like to invite friends. So I started inviting him to tastings and events, and introducing him to people and musicians and DJs. He becomes my partner in crime in many ways.
We’re having such a good time of course we start dating, but I can sense some hesitation on his end, and I realized that the nice chatty exterior was him putting up walls to avoid sharing his feelings with me. I could feel that he cared in the way he checked in on me, and cared for me, and would drop everything he was doing if I even needed a simple favor. Even in as simple a thing as a touch on my hand. He used to play this game when we started dating, if we were in a packed bar with my friends and he could see me getting uncomfortable because another girl was eyeing him, he’d go up to her and say something like “I have to ask your professional opinion as a full time woman, should I ask this girl over there on a date” she would laugh I would laugh, and then suddenly it would eliminate all the tension, he is such a fucking charmer. Of course I was hooked so when he asked me to go on vacation I said absolutely yes.
We had a lovely time, but when we got back he started to pull away. He told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious and even though it hurt, I decided to play ball. He had plans to move away from the city we were in for another job, and given that things were so early with us I didn’t want to make him choose me over an opportunity he had worked hard for his entire life. This was in August?
We had been dating for several months when he asked me to come with him for Christmas while he was drunk one evening. I said no because he was drunk! I knew him and I knew he didn’t mean it. Given that he was planning to move and didn’t want anything serious, it seemed like the smart thing to do. We celebrated separately but spoke over the entire holidays.
He went to his family’s town and I planned a New Year’s Eve trip with friends, in a city hundreds of miles away from where he was meant to be. Soooo we went to the city and had a great time. I was posting the entire trip, and not really paying attention. On the 31st I posted an Instagram story from a bar, and about 20min later he walks in. He told me he made a mistake and that he missed me and he wanted to spend New Year’s Eve with me. You can imagine the scene hahah, drunk girls screaming everywhere, we had a club reservation, I had a pint of raspberry beer in one hand and a shot in the other.
I looked this man in his eyes and said no. He had told me he didn’t want anything serious and I didn’t want to make this memory with him. Looking back now I know I was in love with him then and I didn’t want to let my feelings for him and the eventual heartbreak ruin my new year memory. The grand gesture didn’t mean anything when I had an inkling he was sleeping with other women, and when he had only had the courage to share his feelings with me when he was drinking.
Of course I was right to do this, a woman’s intuition never lies.
When we get back to our city, it’s his birthday. His friends all show up, and we all get along really well. It was a nice time, and everyone has already arrived when this other girl shows up. Only his coworkers know who she is, but I greet her warmly and pour her a drink. The bar we were in was a connection from my job, so I’m playing hostess and chatting with the bartender and being generally nice. This girl starts asking me how I know Michael and I explain ugh we met and he’s wonderful, we went on vacation, he asked me to come for the holidays, we were just in x city on New Years and this happened, it’s complicated etc etc. I’m drunk so I’m missing the social cues, but she’s clearly a little upset.
As it turns out he had been sleeping with her for months, and he invited her to his birthday because he had told her that we weren’t serious. Over the course of the evening I put the pieces together, he kept disappearing and then I’d notice she was gone too. I realized they were definitely fucking. I kept my cool, I’m not going to start drama without proof, but when we were on the dance floor of some bar I looked over at him and I realize he wasn’t looking at me, he was looking at her. NOW I’m not one to embarrass a bitch in front of an entire room full of people, but to say I lost my temper is an understatement.
I waited until she left the room and he followed her outside. I ripped the door of that place open and asked her in a normal speaking voice in front of him and his coworkers if they had been sleeping together, she shrank and said yes. Cue gasps from the crowd, he tried to stop me asking questions, but I continued, “so Michael invited you here tonight because you guys are sleeping together?” She said yes. I let her walk off as my problem wasn’t with her, it was with him.
I lose it in the streets. How fucking disrespectful can you be? You invite the girl you’re seeing and the girl you’re fucking on the side to your birthday party and then keep sneaking off with the girl you’re fucking to comfort her?!!??!???
I’m crying, he’s crying, birthday is ruined ahahah. Of course we go home and he finally tells me all of the things I’d been waiting to hear. That he was falling in love with me but he was scared, and that he missed me so much over the holidays, and my rejection made him realize all of this.
Of course we had sex, of course we didn’t use a condom, and of course now we’re so wrapped up in each other that to me it feels like a dream come true. A few weeks of bliss are of course cut short by a fight I can’t even remember why I started. I was leaving for a work trip and feeling off, yelled at him and he assumed we were broken up.
I was sitting there on my work trip feeling vaguely nauseous and awful when I realized my beer tasted off and I was exhausted and I couldn’t remember my last period. It had been before Christmas, but I was sure it couldn’t have been that long. I check the calendars and it was February. I went back to the hotel that night but didn’t feel I could call him. I made it to the airport before I couldn’t take the suspense anymore and bought a pregnancy test in fucking heathrow. Peed on the stick and literally screamed (sorry if you were in that restroom around February 22, at least you were already on the toilet when I scared the shit out of you 🤣).
If you’re following the timeline here you know I found out I was pregnant just in time for coronavirus to really kick off and make doctors visits difficult. Now abortion decisions are needing to be made on super short timeline. So I call him immediately, crying. I had broken up with him in a fit of rage 3 days before but of course he answered.
I explain all this to say that I made a huge mistake. I was so emotionally all over the place between the girl and the birthday and the vacation and the holidays and now the baby that I was barely keeping it together. Then a global pandemic, then losing my job, and through all of this I leaned on him.
I told him I didn’t want him to be there if he didn’t want to be there. This was not meant to be a serious relationship, we said I love you when we were drunk, and we cared about each other but this relationship had an expiration date. I always knew it, but I also knew that I had the money to afford a child.
I hadn’t told him that I had just gotten an inheritance after my grandmother passed away, as I didn’t think it was relevant. I was raised catholic, and support a women’s right to choose, but for me the choice was easy. I can do it so I should do it, I felt ready and able, but I knew that he wasn’t.
Emotionally unable to express himself, about to start a new very high profile, very demanding job, and still trying to fuck around on the side is not the greatest recipe for a new father. So I listened to him and made the decision to have the abortion, because I loved him and didn’t want to hurt him in this way. I could see the panic and fear in his eyes, but through this whole relationship I always felt like the more emotionally responsible and competent one.
Having an abortion was the smart choice even if it wasn’t the right choice for me. My biggest flaw is that I always feel the need to be right, but I don’t base this on intuition. I gather the facts and try to make the smartest right choice.
So I had the abortion and we went into lockdown and I’ve the last 7 months crying. I found out during lockdown that he was still sleeping with the other girl while I was pregnant with his baby. He even broke quarantine to go see her, and I only found out when her roommate texted me to ask how I was doing since she just saw Michael. I spoke to a therapist and it did absolutely nothing for me. He skipped my birthday saying he felt uncomfortable around my work colleagues and friends in June, and of course, we broke up for good in July.
I’ve given him his space but he still manages to pop up in my life. I’m here now because he’s managed to make friends with the very people he told me he would be uncomfortable around at my birthday party. I try to remain polite and cordial, but it’s a small city.
Last week when I should’ve been giving birth, instead I was standing in front of a bar smoking a cigarette distracting myself from the fact. I of course pass him in the street and he’s sitting there with some girl. Of course he texts me afterwards to say he saw me and that it was a little awkward.
His nonchalant attitude grates on my soul. Everytime he responds to my Instagram story I want to punch him in the face. I realized he doesn’t care and he didn’t care, and that all of this means a lot more to me than it meant to him.
He just pretended to care so he could have someone around when he was lonely, and have someone to invite for thanksgiving, and have easy access to sex during lockdown, and as soon as it was convenient for him he dropped me.
Then when he missed the life that he had with me, he tries making friends with my circle of people. So now I can’t escape him. The big events aren’t possible so it’s all private and masked and testing and strictly business. Yet I keep getting messages from work friends and colleagues and former bartenders about spotting him there dropping my name.
I’m infuriated and so so hurt. I’m not even sure what to even say or what I’m even looking for, but what would you do if you were me. Some days I want to jump off a bridge, other days I want to push him off the bridge, but mostly I just want to go home.
submitted by strugglebusoperator to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.29 09:04 r9440 I'm at breaking point with being a woman.

The trigger was a falling out with two of my closest guy friends, X and Y, 3 weeks ago during a game of fortnite. We’re 26-28 and were friends for 6 years. During the last few games, we started screen-sharing our daily bagels (from Coffee Meets Bagels) with each other for each other’s opinions on whether to swipe or not. This inevitably consisted of judging the profiles and looks of men and women we came across on our apps. On that day, while playing fortnite Y said that the female profile (that he was sharing) looked like my cousin, A (they both knew her). The conversation went like that:
Y: hey don’t you think that this girl looks like A? X: she looks like she works in ZZ (a famous building known for prostitutes and escorts) *laughs Y: that’s damn bad of you Me: what? X: what? Your cousin works in ZZ? *laughs Me: huh? What? My cousin works in ZZ? X: you have a cousin who works in ZZ? Me: that’s not funny, are you saying A works in ZZ? X: you were the one who said you have a cousin who works in ZZ. Me: no, I didn’t say that, what the hell? Why would I say that?
There was some sniggering from X and Y and I let it go since I was focusing on trying to kill someone in Fortnite. When that was over and we were merely running in Fortnite, I told X to never joke about my cousin that way or our friendship is over. This escalated into a series of responses (that stood out to me) which I’ve ruminated over the past three weeks along with other experiences I’ve had with men.
  1. X said my reaction was unfair to him. He said I reacted the way I did because she was my cousin and he’s sure she would understand if he told her about the joke because they’re friends, and it’s precisely because they’re friends that he could joke about her in that manner.
I can’t remember exactly what I said in the heat of the moment. I remember asking him how he would feel if I talked about his mother in that way, which in hindsight was only reinforcing his point that I was overreacting because she was simply my cousin. I have a lot of afterthoughts: firstly, you don’t get a pass at being sexist just because you have a female friend in the same way as how you don’t get to be racist if you have a friend of a different race. Secondly, no self-respecting woman would not be offended at such a joke about her, especially when they know A to be a devout Christian. Thirdly, how dare they tell me how A would feel about this! How can they mansplain a woman’s feelings to another woman who told them that A won’t take it that way? Also, he gaslighted me and made me feel as if I were the one who said A works in AA by framing my question as a statement.
  1. Y said I’m sensitive to ‘matters like these’.
He is correct. I’m aware of ‘matters like these’ because I’m negatively reminded that I’m a woman every day. But calling me ‘sensitive’ insinuates that I’m overreacting when other women don’t respond like this if they were put in the same situation. It also downplays the plight women go through and invalidates my opinion. Why am I being punished for being outspoken about it just because it doesn’t fit your androcentric experience of life? Anything that doesn’t invalidate your experience is an overreaction. You don’t get to discount my experience as an overreaction just because you don’t experience the same.
  1. Y said that in the long-run of our friendship, this shouldn’t matter. He’s asking me to let it go.
Why should I be the one expected to let such comments slide? Why couldn’t Y tell X to stop making them? Why should I be expected to put up with such behaviour and when I don’t, the blame is on me?
  1. X said he will stop making such comments in front of me since it bothers me.
I cannot fathom how they don’t get that I’m uncomfortable about their general misogyny and not just because the comment was about my cousin. They might as well be degrading me behind my back and still have the cheek to talk to me as if nothing happened. How can they compartmentalize the way they treat different women? You don’t get to be sexist to women you don’t know. I cannot understand how they ‘choose’ to be decent only to women they know as if they’re doing me a favour and bestowing good favour onto me and I should be thankful for that. Fuck that.
X apologized three days later and he said he will do better. I can’t trust that because it’s not the first time he’s apologized for something similar and I just feel like I’m being let down again and again and it feels like my feelings never mattered to him and he’s just saying sorry to shut me up so we get to play fortnite again. His actions clearly contradict his apologies.
This incident aside, X and Y have a lad culture where they are ok to hang out with individually but together they snowball into one giant glob of misogyny. Some of them include: - One makes rude remarks and the other sniggers along and when I asked them to repeat themselves (because I didn’t catch it the first time), they snigger like it’s an inside joke and ignore me. - Sometimes they selectively choose not to answer me when I say ‘hello?’ or ask a question while the game is loading (when we can take quick toilet/ snack breaks) but giggle in response. It made me feel like I’m a kindergartner again and it made me feel stupid. - Second-guessing my opinion. There’s another girl B who plays with us and Y always asks her for her opinion to see if it backs mine up. I feel like my opinion is invalidated all the time because of this. Why does he need quantity in order for him to accept that there’s some validity to my opinion? Why can’t he take it at face value? What is wrong with my opinion on its own? Then why bother to ask me at all only to put me down all the time?
I hate myself for ruminating this over and over. I hate that I feel immensely bad about it and want to take them back as friends when they don’t care. I hate that I’m the one processing my feelings on my own and telling myself again and again for the past three weeks that I’m not wrong. I hate that I cry every time I think of this. They haven’t shown that they care. It bothers me a lot as I feel now that I’ve never really known them at all and that I was just auditioning to be a female friend to them.. just to fill the gap like a diversity hire so they can go out there and be sexist but say they’re not because they have female friends. I cannot live with myself knowing that I’m contributing to such degrading behaviour by being a passive observer or laughing along or being able ‘take a joke’ when what they say demean my sense of self. It’s worse that they don’t mean it maliciously and that women are so conditioned to accept this that we cannot identify how harmful it is to us anymore. It’s terrible that men are bonding over misogyny at the expense of women’s happiness and we sit there without questioning how and when this became the norm. treat me like I have no agency but when it becomes convenient to blame me, suddenly I have agency so someone can deflect all their blame on me. The saddest moment for me was when I realized that X and Y just didn’t care enough to identify what I was upset about. They were quick to be defensive and deflective and I was not fast enough to counter that. One can always find an excuse to downplay another’s feelings to absolve himself of responsibility for his thoughts, attitude and actions.
This was just the trigger. These past three weeks I’ve been questioning how unhappy I am as a woman and thinking about how much I’ve shortchanged myself. I know for sure I’m better off as a man. Has it ever crossed your mind that you shouldn’t be this educated or aware? Because if I’m not so educated I might be happy when I’m blind to my surroundings, but why must I feel this way? Why am I the one feeling that education is a curse to have and I ought to be dumb and naïve to be happy? Do you know how screwed up the process is to reach a point where you think you shouldn’t deserve the education you received just so you can be happy?
How can I describe why I hate being a woman to them? On top of all the self-doubt and gendered fear (which women experience by virtue of being a woman) that creeps into everyday life, I’m constantly reminded that the ‘success’ of my future necessarily depends on my getting married. Recently my parents were thinking of buying a house in my sister and my name to avoid additional stamp duty (property taxes). But my parents hesitate, because they care about what my future husband thinks over my thoughts. I would want a deed for my own security, but they are concerned that 1. My husband won’t be happy that his wife has more assets than he does; 2. My husband won’t want to marry me; 3. We won’t be able to apply for public housing ownership (due to local laws). Why can’t my parents prioritise my feelings NOW over some feelings a hypothetical man that hasn’t even entered my life would have? How can this man that doesn’t exist now, that isn’t blood-related, be more important than what I think now? I’ve never felt so imprisoned by my own gender which I don’t have a say over.
I’ve experienced my fair share of entitled men who cannot take no for an answer. I was stalked by a guy from my tuition class when I was 14, and several times I felt trapped in a train carriage by men who want my number but cannot handle rejection. The number of times I felt fear and anxiety and blamed myself for the way I behaved is uncountable. As a law intern I once witnessed a lawyer telling another intern that “you got the internship because you’re wearing a skirt” and “it’s so easy for women to get promoted nowadays, they just have to open their legs”. The number of times I sat there in silence when someone else is harassing another woman is killing me more and more. It could have been me while other people sat there and normalized that kind of treatment. I’ve never wanted to love myself so much while hating myself for being a woman and it’s become increasingly difficult to reconcile both.
I’m going to share something that I’ve never told anyone. I still find it hard to recollect it so I will go through it as minimally as I could. When I was 17, my dad was pissy about the dishes and I said ‘why are you pissy? Your period came?” and I got smacked by him. He wanted to pick up the mahogany dining chair to throw it at me but it was too heavy, and he instinctively reached for the kitchen scissors. I shouted ‘stop, are you really going to kill me?” and it was as if he stopped seeing red. He put down the scissors and kicked me and I stormed out of the kitchen. That day something in me snapped and I never felt so alone and unloved. My dad was the closest person to me but he was instinctively going to stab me just because I joked about him having a womanly attribute. I’ve never felt so dirty, like I’m an abomination that shouldn’t exist if people hated me so much that they wanted nothing to do with any trait that I have. Why is it derogatory to be a woman, to be me? That day I learnt that the person I thought was closest to me was ashamed of my identity. Maybe he could have loved me more if I were a boy. My mom was very explicit that she wanted a boy, never my dad. But this incident tied everything together: he was keen on me exceling in sports until I reached puberty, then he gave that up. I started dressing conservatively because of the passing remarks I hear almost daily. I rarely wore skirts and dresses even though I wanted to. I try them at home and select dresses carefully if I were going to wear them out. If I’m showing legs, I won’t show chest and arms. If I’m showing arms, my hem line better be longer. If my dress is super long, then perhaps I can skip the safety shorts. Is my bra showing? It won’t, because all my bras are nude so that they won’t show under my white shirts. Am I carrying an umbrella, personal alarm or have I turned on Companion? Should I turn off my music when I walk home alone late at night so I can hear for footsteps behind me? My dad is still the closest person to be but deep down there’s a nagging wariness I have against him.
Everyday I’m reminded that I’m a woman, that my daily decisions and thought processes are tied to being a woman; that my future is tied to being a woman, and that being a woman is the worst thing possible in every scenario. If I’m being robbed I risk being raped too. If there’s a war, I risk being raped and enslaved. If I’m having a drink, I risk being date raped. I’m expected to dress up and present myself in the best way possible when men who expect the same do the bare minimum or don’t give a shit. I am so, so tired, I really want it all to end. I don’t want to be expected to put up with such shit anymore and be blamed when I reject such shit. I don’t want to have to think about setting my own curfews at night to avoid crazy entitled men on the streets at home, or finding someone to share a cab with when I go home, or finding comfortable yet pretty footwear that I can run in in case I have to escape from someone who attacks me. I don’t want to have to feel fear when I say no to a man, I don’t want to have to feel ashamed when my period comes and I need a pad, I don’t want to be told by men that long hair suits me better when I didn’t ask for their opinion. I don’t want to have to feel like I have to try harder to get a job or be recognized for my work, I don’t want to be unacknowledged for the efforts I put in just because it’s a “given” that ‘girls are more nurturing or pay more attention to detail’, I don’t want someone to invalidate my opinion and actions as ‘too emotional’ and ‘acting out’ just because I disagree with them. I don’t want to feel like an imposter anymore in every thing I do or in every opinion I hold just because I was conditioned to doubt myself as a girl growing up. Living this way is too hard. There are so many ways and opportunities to tear down a person and I cannot ward all of them off and continue telling myself that I’m fighting the good fight when i feel like I’m not. I feel so isolated as a woman and this sub made me realise that I’m not the only one feeling like this. I’m hating myself while trying to love myself but how can that work out? I feel like shutting down and shutting people off because it feels like hitting a brick wall. I don’t want to be gaslighted and blindsided by people I trust and love anymore, and be expected to accept that and take it in my stride. I want to be able to have a healthy relationship of any kind with a man but I can’t seem to trust that they will understand me or not belittle/ patronize/ infantilise me. I feel like I am too defeatist and deterministic in that I cannot believe that men can grow to accept my perspective, and this saddens me. I don’t know how to see myself continue living in such a manner in the next ten years because I feel like I’m going in a spiral – I will somehow see a redeeming value in a guy friend and hold onto that and shortchange myself in the process by putting up with his behaviour because of some hopes that he would understand me, and then I will feel stupid, let down and disillusioned again. I don’t know how many times I can go through that before truly feeling dead inside. I’m scared of becoming a femcel.
I just want to be treated like a human being and live like one carefreely. I don’t want to be a mental prisoner or an emotional prostitute and exist in a way which conveniences men. I don’t want to live in a world where living like that is normalized and we are told to repress our feelings because it’s not the ‘norm’. I don’t want to have an expiry date as a woman, or be interchangeable or dispensable to men once they know I’m not going to boost their ego by letting them degrade me. I don’t want to be dehumanized into a commodity and be pitted against other women and be expected to laugh with men at other women. Please take all of my feelings as they are and don’t deny me of them.
I haven't spoken to X and Y. I don't know what to do in general.
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